A Meaningful Sense of Connection

I believe that core and central to our being is a hunger and appetite for a meaningful sense of connection. With whom can you mutually share a meaningful connection? Are you able to nurture this hunger within? How does this work?

In vulnerability, we have our greatest strength. In vulnerability, we are open and have access to all of our skill sets. When we shut down we lose access to our skill sets. Even a partial shutdown separates us from some of our skill sets.

In the Tibetan Buddhist practice of Lojong (cultivating loving-kindness), we look at friends, enemies, and neutrals. Especially with individuals that we are not aligned with, how do we offer and potentially receive a meaningful sense of connection?

Consider what it is like to be a nurturing parent with children when you know some of them and some you don’t know very well. What is the smallest size morsel of connection that you might offer to those that you may consider as enemies and neutrals? (maybe a kind look, a kind smile, etc) It is not so much about what is being offered but it is about how it is offered that can matter most.

In the middle way teachings of Buddhism, in the Diamond Sutra, the Buddha says, words are mere figures of speech that have no real meaning in and of themselves.

There is such a difference between intention and impact. While you may be very well intended, do you understand how another person might experience your offering? Remember that most of our social programming was on-board (programmed into us) by the time that we were 3 years old. Am I correct, that the only way that we know our impact or what someone means by what they have said is to ask. I find that the simple and vulnerable request for information in the form of this question, “Can you please help me understand what you meant by what you said?” can save many misunderstandings. And, please remember that misunderstanding is another way of saying argument or arguing.

Understanding another person entails coming to understand their programming and what various meanings they attribute to actions, reactions, statements, questions, and silence. What questions assist and inform this understanding? What unobtrusive methods are helpful? What subtle and not too obtrusive methods also inform?

And also, how do we nurture our own need for a meaningful sense of connection so that we are free of emotional dependency? To whatever extent we need to be the first person to step over the threshold of our heart. When we experience receiving our own love, then we know how it feels, through all of your senses.

When you make it safe to experience your own love are you prepared to allow someone even to love you a little bit? Love makes us vulnerable. Someone will leave first, even if it is the last breath, then what? Then we experience the part of love that is known as grief. In grief, we experience the depths of our heart and its tenderness. For what it’s worth, I encourage you to always let your heartbreak open...

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With Loving-Kindness,

Mark